Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
