I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
