I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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