I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
