Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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