I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
