I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
