She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
