She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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