What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
