theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
