so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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