Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just google imaged poop.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
