I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize