I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
