Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
