I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize