Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
