Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
