she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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