my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
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