dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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