Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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