Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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