how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
