I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize