she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
