get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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