i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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