I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
then he tried to convert me to islam
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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