if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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