wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
