it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize