I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
