Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
