I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
