whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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