Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
