just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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