Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
