I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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