Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
