I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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