And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
