im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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