last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
