I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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