My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
