I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
