good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
