i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
