Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
