i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
