we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
