Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
