something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
