I heard we made out
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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