Your face is a jimmy john
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
should my penis look like a turkey
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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