just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
