how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
