Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
