I think I died a long time ago.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it's not cheating when I paid for it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
