We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
