Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
